2 by 2 they walked...

I guess many things do come in pairs, and it is a coincidence that I am suddently made to feel this way again... sigh... First it was Wilson's bulletin on Friendster entitled 'missing someone', then next came Andy Feng's absolutely sweet photos on friendster... sigh... my heart also melt liao. It is a constantly uphill struggle, on the one hand wanting to have the freedom of being single (and thus telling oneself that its alright not having to worry about not looking or creating opportunities, but as if I would have many like that.. haha), and on the other hand in a way seeking a special kind of companionship that melts my heart and send my adrenaline rushing. sigh... seems like I am somehow stuck in between, whereby I am getting my freedom, but not the lack of 'guilt', 'remorse' or 'regret' in not taking much action in achieving my balance. It does not happen often, but this is certainly one of those moment when this imbalance sets in, but I guess as usual, I will wake up in the morning, realizing how much more things I have yet to do, and it gets lost in the toils of the day until the next time comes along; yet, there is in those words a sense of how sad my life can be at times... haha.. how ironic that I who preaches happiness in life, is in a way choosing a life which is far from most happy, but on the other hand, it is also possible that I am reaching the optimum in the options fate offers. Certainly, no relationship is better than a bad relationship, and no relationship is better than having an unhappy one. Possibilities in the horizon remains mere possibilities, and one of whom I seem to be slowly pushing further into the horizon, but why. Maybe its not meant to be, just maybe. I have no idea how others feel, and events that had taken place remains puzzling to me till today. Yet, it is very odd how I seem to meet people who share so many commonality, people who fantasize of a dream house (mention in the previous post), but also people who share my concerns about the uncertainty and mobility of life in the future and also adopt a similar approach of choosing to dis-engage and not to tie too many weights down. Maybe in a way, early this year was meant to happen, where I learn to understand her much better, and am better able to see things from the right perspective and context, yet whether this will come in handy anytime soon, I somehow have my doubts. In a sense, I still do get part of the heart melting and adrenaline rushing, but perhaps distance is diluting my ability to do so, and perhaps fate is showing me more things that wants to shape my vision of life. If I were to give my chance, I probably put it at 10%, haha.. why, I don't know. In a way arbitrary, in another it is because of my uncertainty with my life itself, yet, oddly, I don't think I stand alone on such concerns, yet to what extent is this her concern, I don't know, like I said, it puzzles me still... Life has its ways I guess, and till I see a clearer path, I will leave the next step undecided then...